There were chapters after those here eventually and as soon as I find my copy, I'll add them in.
From: bush@ecs.ox.ac.uk (Mark Bush)
In article <5069@tola.ecs.ox.ac.uk> m91djm@ecs.ox.ac.uk (Daniel Mitchell) writes:
# So what /is/ perl? I tried man perl and it said some stuff about text
#processing and then went on to plug itself a bit.. What does it actually
#/do/ with text?
EVERYTHING!!! Absolutely anything you can possibly do with text on the system can be done with Perl. It is All Powerful. Yea, even better than that. Let us all congregate around a shrine to Perl which has been constructed for that very purpose (/mclab/bush/bin) and worship.
And the firmament was divided (using double precision) in two. And the firmament below was given a name and it was called UNIX and the System Manager saw that it was good.
And the firmament above was given a name even likewise unto the firmament below. And the name it was given was the name of Perl even though it was spelt in a strange manner and was not a singer.
And the System Manager looked upon the Perl and saw that it was a new kind of good that needed a new name and it was called brill.
And there was the UNIX and the Perl and each was powerful equally each unto the other and the System Manager saw that it was good.
And the System Manager said Let there be cats and tails and heads and other things and let them live in the /bin. And there was and the System Manager saw that it was brill, though not as brill as the Perl, but still quite good.
And the System Manager took a Coffee Break seeing that it was now mid-morning and rested.
And while the System Manager did rest, the firmament also put Forth a Sun which did shine upon the UNIX and saw that it was worth stealing. And the Sun found that it could not steal the UNIX because of the protection of the Perl and so made a copy and the Sun did name this copy SunOS and did show it to the cats. And the cats saw the bugs therein and did see the way they scampered about all in the SunOS and did follow.
And the System Manager did fall asleep after the Coffee Break until Lunch.
And the heathens did see the cats, yea even the tails and heads, flock to the SunOS and did follow whilst the System Manager did sleep the sleep of the System Manager.
And the cats did become riddled with the bugs, even the tails did not get off Scott free.
And the System Manager did awaken and the heathens did hang their heads in Shame, even did they hang their cats and tails, though the SunOS had given birth to a new form which was also called SunOS just to confuse the System Manager and produced more cats riddled with bugs though they were not the same bugs as those that had been tormented to death by the hanging of the other cats, but were of a new form that did eat of the Memory glands of the UNIX and the heathens did have the mind to complain to the System Manager about the SunOS.
And the System Manager did say to the heathens Harken unto me for have I not already given you the UNIX that it should be a proper home for the cats and heads and the heathens saw this as a chance to escape the judgement of the System Manager and replied Why yes it doth seem a good place let us shelter these poor stray cats, yea even this yacc, in the /bin and the System Manager did say Only if you forsake the SunOS and the heathens said Of course it was no good without an ANSI C compiler.
So the Sun did look upon the heathens and hid from the System Manager and did perform rituals within itself and did produce the SunView for the SunOS to watch over the heathens and the heathens were again taken by the SunOS and did wonder at the SunView and did think it was the best thing since sliced bread.
And it was time for tee for that was the Time and all things were Commanded by the System Manager to /etc/halt while the tee was introduced and the System Manager looked upon the work that the tee could do and it was good.
And after the labours of the tee the System Manager did look up and did see the heathens rejoicing in the SunView and was Shocked.
Amazed even.
For the SunView seemed like a good idea and the System Manager had not thought of it.
And the heathens did see that the bugs were even unto the SunView and the System Manager was All Seeing even the back of the neck without a Daily Mirror and did see that the bugs were of a species that were deadly to the SunOS and did think that the Sun had made a Big mistake but the Sun was seeing with the SunView that the System Manager was Mistaken and that the Bugs inhabiting the SunView were intentional and good for a laugh but the heathens didn't think so and were confused.
And the Sun decided that it was time to be cool about things and brought Forth the Larry who is known as Wall and the Larry did shun the SunView and looked upon the Perl and did create an idol in the image of the Perl and the System Manager was Mighty pleased seeing that it was good and the new image was called Perl even like the name of the Perl and this confused the Sun and the heathens did rejoice with the new image.
And the System Manager did create a new /bin for the Perl and did call it /usr/local/bin in case the Sun thought it would steal it and the Sun could not.
And the System Manager did go off to the Pub which had been created for the purpose and did get Very Intoxicated.
And the Sun did get on with some work while the System Manager was incapable and did produce a keyboard with an Escape route and the heathens wondered about the Escape for it was not next to the Shift nor the Control likewise but perched next to a Tab. And the yacc that did fall foul to the Bugs was not bad enough for the Evil purposes of the Sun for the Sun had a Grin that was seen to be quite wicked even in Soho and the Sun did look around to see what might happen.
And what happened is that in the place of the yacc came the GNU and even the bison as well and this confused the heathens which did not have the System Manager to help them and they did look on the GNU and the bison and did rejoice for they have tiny minds and would rejoice at anything, yea even if one among the heathens did burp.
And the GNU did use the bison and did create the gcc which was a better compiler than the Sun had so there.
And the GNU was not finished yet for the GNU had Powers and did look upon the face of the UNIX and the SunOS and did see that there was Something missing. And the GNU saw the shape of the missing thing and did fill it and did even give a name to the thing.
Yeah rejoice for the name given to the thing is Emacs and the GNU despised any that did not understand what Emacs meant and in mockery did create emacs.names and told them that they should learn wisdom.
The heathens had heard not of wisdom and did wonder if they already had a compiler for it and asked Man but Man had not heard of wisdom and the heathens were enlightened.
The heathens did not understand even now but they looked upon the face of the Emacs tutorial and saw that there were good times ahead.
And when the Sun returned and the System Manager did Stagger back from the Pub the heathens had chosen of themselves a new name and had heard the term rebellion and they called themselves Undergraduates for they liked the sound of it and there was a capital letter at the front and they had always wondered why the System Manager and the UNIX and the Perl and the Sun and the SunOS all had names with capital letters in them and did feel that they had been classed among the cats and heads for they did not have a cpital letter to their names.
And the Undergraduates did ask of the System Manager that they could keep the Emacs and the System Manager did not understand how the Emacs worked for there was not Adequate Documentation and did agree to keep it for it seemed a lone thing.
And the Emacs did suprise all for it was a strange beast. It was large though the System Manager was not intimidated for it seemed cuddly and had a built in Lisp interpreter (whatever that is) but not so large that it used up all the space.
And then the Emacs did get used and the System Manager was dismayed for there were Lisp Codes in hiding which the Emacs did eat to better perform its tasks for the System Manager had not taken the Cryptography option.
But the Emacs was persuaded to describe itself in great detail apart from the Lisp Codes and the System Manager saw that it was good but prefered the Perl for the Emacs had not been created to honour the System Manager.
And the System Manager did look unto the Sun and did see the birth of the Jonathan's and did Visit the Jonathan's and had a chat and the Jonathan's looked upon the Emacs and liked what was seen but did not understand the Lisp and did create the JOVE for the System Manager which was Jonathan's Own Version of Emacs and the System Manager was as pleased as the punch that had been consumed of Late at the Pub.
And the System Manager did allow the Emacs to stay and did keep the JOVE as a pet and did use the JOVE to create new Codes for the Perl.
And it came to pass on one day that one of the Undergraduates did stand up for they had all been sitting all this time for they are lazy but did not want to be counted for the count would be one which is not much of a count.
And the Undergraduate was unlike the others for it did sleep when the others were awake and did wake when the others were asleep. And because the Undergraduate was not able to partake of the food of the Undergraduates due to sleep did fade and become of a form even like a Phantome but spelt differently. And the Phantom as the Undergraduate became known did speak and the Phantom did say Wibble.
And the System Manager did take pity on the Phantom and did ask the GNU for a Lisp manual for the Phantom to read to keep it quiet and the Phantom did say Wibble.
Seeing that the Phantom had become quite interested in the Emacs, another Undergraduate did look upon the Emacs and was taken in for this Undergraduate was of a strange nature in that this Undergraduate was but a copy of this Undergraduate and became known as the Doppelganger and did rejoice in the Emacs without knowing Why.
And the other Undergraduates did also look upon the Phantom and took pity and were confused. And some of the Undergraduates that had a grasp of this counting thing did decide to also stand but they wanted to be counted. But the Phantom could not count them for sleep had come apon the Phantom even as the others had awoken that morning and the System Manager was too busy playing with the Perl.
So the Undergraduates did remain uncounted and did feel foolish, but the MIT did see them and did show them some interesting things and they forgot about their foolishness and did have some Fun.
And the Sun did arrive back from where ever the Sun had been and did see the MIT playing with the Undergraduates and did wonder what had happened to the SunView and did look and Behold! for the SunView was discarded and left by the side to rot and even the Bugs got bigger. And the Sun decided it would have itself a Plan.
And the Sun did take a mixing bowl and did put in it a copy of the MIT and did also mix in some PostScript for Adobe had given the Consent and did use the C compiler for the mixing. And after the mixing there was the testing but it was bitter to the taste and the Sun decided to mix some more.
And the Undergraduates did tire of all the rejoicing and did look upon the face of the System Manager for something else to do and before the System Manager could get them in to the Way of the Perl they were taken by the movement in the Corner of the Eye. And a shape did unfurl and it was grotesque and the Undergraduates did look upon the new shape and did wonder of its beauty for they were strange that way. And the shape did not have a name so the Undergraduates asked the System Manager if a name could be found and the System Manager did find a name that was no longer being used and did name the shape.
And the shape was named Orwell with a capital letter and the Undergraduates did say See we told you all the important stuff gets capital letters and they did rejoice in the Orwell and did have fun forgetting the fact that they were tired of the rejoicing.
And a Time came to pass when the System Manager did go back again to the Pub, yes the one with the punch, and the Sun did become very busy with the mixing and the Undergraduates did sleep and you guessed it the Phantom did awaken.
And the Phantom did behold the Orwell and was struck by the elegance of the Orwell. And the Phantom did understand the blow to be one of True Love and did say Wibble.
And when the System Manager did return in the morning and the Undergraduates did awaken they were amazed and the System Manager was Amazed for the Phantom was not asleep but still in love with the Orwell and was creating an idol of the UNIX in the image of the Orwell and the System Manager was a bit concerned.
More amazement was aroused by the lack of an And at the start of this verse and the Sun did see an Opportunity to test once again the Child of the mixing and did call the child OpenWindows. The System Manager was quite amused for the OpenWindows did not appear to be a child and was large even larger than the Emacs and that is saying something.
And the Sun did show the OpenWindows to the Undergraduates but they were not fooled for they saw that the C compiler had been used and not the ANSI one that the GNU had brought and could see the size of the OpenWindows and did laugh openly when the Sun did say that it was fast.
For the Sun had been so busy with the mixing that the Sun had not seen the MIT give birth to the X11R4 which was faster than excrement off a shovel and the Sun was sick probably because of the Bugs.
But there was another Undergraduate wandering in the wilderness that did look upon the OpenWindows and was even more gullible than other Undergraduates, yea even more so than the one that was called the Doppelganger and for the gullibility of this Undergraduate there was a Mark placed upon the Undergraduate that others should know and the Mark was a P. And this Undergraduate did like the OpenWindows and wanted to be the friend of the OpenWindows for the OpenWindows did have no friends and it was not supprising.
But the System Manager was not pleased with the OpenWindows and only grudgingly let the OpenWindows stay for it was an ugly sight to see the OpenWindows wandering across the face of the UNIX gobbling the Memory even faster than the Emacs which the System Manager had not forgotten about.
Also did the UNIX bring forth the vi which the Undergraduates had hitherto not seen and one Undergraduate which had been counted did see the vi and did like the vi even though there were no capital letters therein but the Undergraduate could see that within the vi was the ability to give the vi all the capital letters that the vi could consume. And the Undergraduate had been counted and forgotten but had returned and was named Pete who is also called Bevin.
Although the System Manager was not completely pleased by the vi prefering greatly the JOVE the Pete did also look upon the Perl and did fall down for the Pete had not seen the system crash and the Pete did worship in the name of the Perl and did say Praise Perl for it is quite a very good thing and the System Manager did take of a Blind Eye from the land across the UNIX and did face it to the Pete and was content.
And one Undergraduate was revolted by the vi and did feel pretty ill and did turn to the Emacs and did become enamoured and the Undergraduate wanted a name and did give of itself a name and the name of the Undergraduate became the Jaffacake and the Jaffacake did copy what the Phantom did use in communicating with the Emacs and did not understand of it but did rejoice never the less.
And a voice among the Undergraduates did say Ahh, but what of the CBTU for they have IDEAS and there are lots of capital letters there and the System Manager was filled with wrath and did say See here for I give you the Pnews which has a capital letter though the System Manager alone knows why and with the Pnews shall be given also the ecslab.talk which has no capital letters and the Undergraduates may thus dominate the ecslab.talk with the Pnews and fill it with all the capital letters they choose and stop going on so about them for the capital letters did get on the nerves of the System Manager until the System Manager went off to the Pub again for to consume quantities of the punch that was mentioned Before.
And another Undergraduate that was no longer an Undergraduate and is named Speleo and is also called Jon did say to the others Harken unto the System Manager for the truth of the CBTU has been spoken in that the CBTU do not know the names of things and did falsely name me labjnt which was not amusing at all.
And the System Manager was gone for a long time and the Undergraduates did rejoice none the less in the name of the System Manager and did use the Pnews to dominate the ecslab.talk yea even the Phantom did dominate though the Phantom did dominate by night and the other Undergraduates did dominate by day.
The System Manager did return and did see although not very well on account of the punch that the Undergraduates were rejoicing and saw that it was good.
But the System Manager was then enraged for an Undergraduate that had long ago travelled in the land of the IBM had declared that the Undergraduate was no longer an Undergraduate and the Undergraduate that was no longer an Undergraduate was given a name and was named imc for the System Manager had become fed up of the capital letters.
But the imc was not to be deterred and did say to the Undergraduates BEHOLD FOR I HAVE BEEN TO THE LAND OF THE IBM WHERE I WAS TAUGHT MUCH ABOUT THE CAPITAL LETTERS, YEA EVEN TO SPEAK WITHOUT USING LOWER CASE AT ALL AND I HAVE DISCOVERED THE REXX AND IT IS GOOD.
And the Undergraduates had not heard so many capital letters spoken at once before and remembering the Words of the System Manager did fear the imc and the capital letters and did shun the REXX for they did not understand the REXX not that they understood the Perl either.
And the System Manager looked upon the Undergraduates and was pleased that the Undergraduates had not been taken in by the REXX and the imc was annoyed and did create the oneword showing that the oneword did not have any capital letters except for those that the Undergraduates did feed to the oneword and the Undergraduates were swayed.
There then came a noise that the Undergraduates had not before heard and the Undergraduates did look to the noise and Behold for the System Manager was approaching and was carried upon the Motorbike and yet the System Manager was not decending upon the Undergraduates on the System Manager's Triumph for the Motorbike of the System Manager was a Suzuki and the System Manager did explain Well I am getting on a bit Behold for my hair is coming out and the Phantom was heard to say Wibble.
And there was another Undergraduate and this Undergraduate had also been away and had returned and was not now an Undergraduate and the Undergraduate was now the Froglin and did snigger at the System Manager with a large grin for the Froglin was a Wide Mouthed Froglin which are rare indeed even upon the face of the UNIX and the System Manager was not pleased and did create the hunt for to teach the Froglin a lesson but the Froglin did cheat for the Froglin did use a faster repeat rate with the X11R4 that the System Manager had even supplied.
And the System Manager did then declare that there was a new Order upon the face of the UNIX and the Order was in the shape of a Command for the System Manager did bring forth the concept of the Deleted Account saying Behold for here is the Dr Death which will look upon those that do displease me and those will be Deleted for the Dr Death did carry the dreaded rm Command.
And the Undergraduates where shocked and did worship the name of the System Manager for fear of being Deleted, yea even the Froglin and the System Manager was pleased and there was much rejoicing and their attention was returned towards the ecslab.talk and the System Manager was able to return to the Pub for the punch was really quite nice.
Yet.... 8*)